The first death in which I truly found the space to grieve was when my mom and I had to make the decision to put my dog to sleep because she had a large tumor growing in her stomach which was causing her a lot of pain and was inoperable. In that case, we knew exactly when she would die, and were able to choose how we would say our goodbyes. I shaved my head after she passed away and grew it for a couple of years afterward to mark the passing of time.